Seeing the footprints in the sand

I did not cry....

2010-03-17T10:59:00.001-04:00

For the first time ever when looking at the papers from when we bought and had to sell our house in PA. I never thought I would get to that point, But I have.
I have a peace I have not felt before. I now know that is getting another house is not in our hands but God's and looks like our prayers are going to be answered soon.
I am so thankful.

My little boy is officially a little man LOL

2010-03-02T13:33:00.004-05:00

So my little man does not want to use baby wash or even kids body wash any longer. He now wants to use Axe like his daddy. The funny thing is that he even picked out a bottle he wanted all by himself the other day at Walmart. Its called shock and he told me while I gave him the bath today that it makes him smell good.

They grow up too fast...................

Raising a beautiful daughter with special needs

2010-02-19T11:26:00.003-05:00

Today on Kelly's Korner blog she asked for her readers to show there ministry to others. Even though I would not say mine is an official ministry. I would be honored if my experience in raising Morgan could be an encouragement to others.

There is a little more about Morgan's disablilities in my Welcome to my blog post. That you can search for and read.

I go through a lot of different emotions raising Morgan then I do with my son. Don't get me wrong I want to protect both my kids but with Morgan I feel like I am always on my guard trying to protect her from people who will not understand her.

Every day is a struggle like when well meaning people talk to her at walmart and then when she doesn't respond ask if she is tired or shy.

I admit there are times when I fib and say she is shy. Not because I am ashamed of her in any way but because sometimes it painful or just down right annoying to explain to strangers every single day.

Of course sometimes I do share her story and I have met some awesome people that way.

I would sacrifice every thing for her and in some ways I have. See we used to own this big beautiful old house in PA but the school there labeled Morgan as retarded and she was strapped in a chair most of the day. I could not accept that.

We sold our house and moved to Delaware and live in a house owned by my husbands parents which has brought its own share of drama and diffuculties.
But, we got her into a great school for children like her. She is learning to communicate using PECS. Though I still pray to hear her speak some day.

Sometimes I am fine saying the words like Epilespy and Autism and some days I cry when I have to.

God is my strength and though it took me many years to try and accept the fact that he must truly love me to trust me to raise one of his angels. I think I have.

One of my favorite poems is Welcome to Holland.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Everytime I read it I cry because it is how I feel. Some moms hate it. I think thats because it takes us all different amounts of time to accept things we can not change

I also love this poem:

God Chooses Mom for Disabled Child
Written by Erma Bombeck Published in the Today Newspaper Sept. 4th, 1993

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.

Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments forpropagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew.
"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia.
"Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint.... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.
" Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."
"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence. She'll have to teach the child to live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less then perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations." "I will permit her to see clearly the things I see---ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Even putting that in my blog now makes me cry.

One of the questions I am often asked normally when I mention Morgan having a seizure or some one sees me taking care of her G-tube is: "how do you handle it?'
Well that is great question.
One I can't answer fully. I guess I handle it because what other choice do I have, and also I am enabled to handle it by the grace of God. See I am a work in progress!

There was a time in my pregnancy when I thought I lost Morgan and then after delivery I nearly lost my own life do to placental issues. But, I did not lose her and I am here hoping to encourage you.

If you are raising a special needs child you are not ALONE. Remember you are going to have days when you think "why me" "what did I do to deserve this".

I know I still have bad days especially when Morgan is around a typical peer her age and I can't even imagine what she would be like if she were typical.

So if I can help you in anyway please contact me. morgan rileys mommy @ yahoo . com (no spaces) or feel free to leave a comment with any questions you may have.

Not Me Monday!

2010-02-08T21:56:00.004-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not go along my husband and son on Friday to Sams club at the crack of dawn to buy a big screen tv. Nor did we eat doritos for breakfast on the way home. I mean come on who does that?

We also did not go out twice after the big blizzard and discover the roads were horrible only to keep going and discover Walmart was closed.

So what did you NOT do this week?

The Great Christmas Gift Exchange

2009-12-22T11:13:00.003-05:00

I haven't blogged in forever. What a bad blogger I am. But, what better way to get back into it, then posting about the kids performing in our church Christmas play. They were two of the cutest bells I have ever seen. Not that I am biased or anything. The name of the play was the title of this post. The Great Christmas Gift Exchange. Evan did not even want to participate at first but when he got up on stage it all changed. He is quite the performer.

I am especially proud of Morgan. During practice all she wanted to do was lay on the stage and look at the pretty lights but when it came time to perform she participated fully and really shined.

Evan Being Silly Before the play

Love his cheesy Expression

He really is a cutie pie.

Look how pretty she is sporting her new hair cut

Go Evan Go!

Words can't express how proud of her I was

He loved being up there. I see Hollywood in his future.

Evan Taking a Bow.

Praying for Baby Stellan

2009-07-27T14:06:00.003-04:00

God has really laid on my heart to pray for this precious little boy Stellan. I have been reading his mom's blog for a very long time and have fell in love with this sweet baby who was born with a very serious heart condition. I often participate in his moms NOT ME MONDAY posts but thought it best not to do that today and just ask every one to please pray as his condition is very bad and deteriorating quickly. To read updates head on over to www.mycharmingkids.net
We are dealing with our own illness with Morgan right now so this is short but I wanted to get it on here.

an anniversary of sorts

2009-07-21T20:20:00.003-04:00

I wish so badly that I had a picture on this computer of this anniversary I am referring to but I do not since its a brand new computer. Hopefully though I can dig one up and get it on here soon but I did not want this day to go by without mentioning that today marks the 7th anniversary of Morgan becoming a NICU graduate and finally getting to join us at home.
I remember how happy and terrified I was at the same time that she was coming home. She had to come home on a heart/apnea monitor and she remained hooked up to that for 7 long months.
Our journey has been so hard and little did we know that what we thought was the end of her struggles by being released from the NICU was really just the beginning. I love you Baby girl!

It's my birthday and I will cry if I want to!

2009-07-14T22:07:00.003-04:00

Why would I cry on my birthday? It started out nice getting to watch my friend Stacy's beautiful girls who I love so much but then got depressing when the place we thought we would be moving to turned out to be the biggest crap hole EVER!
I know we need to get out of here. There was a huge fight with the in laws on July 5th.
I have not blogged in so long I will have to back track later.
I really thought this trailer was going to be the answer to our prayers when Brent's coworker sister passed away and his family was selling her place dirt cheap.
Dirt cheap is all we can afford but dirt cheap in Delaware means well you get Dirt.
Oh how I long for my 2,200 square foot house in PA back. Which was dirt cheap but wonderful. I don't regret being here in Delaware. I know we moved here for Morgan's benefit and since finding our church I know this is where God wants us but I am praying and praying for a place of our own. Selling our house was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and I can't help but ache for it sometimes.
I am trying so hard to keep faith but its so hard in this situation because I wonder where the money is going to come from so we can afford a place here. At this point it will take a miracle. Of course I know my God performs miracles everyday.

Daily Bible reading 6/28/09-7/04/09

2009-07-01T09:54:00.002-04:00

6/28/09
1 Samuel 9
Isaiah 53
Revelation 15,16

6/29/09
1 Samuel 10
Isaiah 54
Revelation 17,18

6/30/09
1 Samuel 11,12
Isaiah 55
Revelation 19,20

7/1/09
1 Samuel 13
Isaiah 56,57
Revelation 21,22

7/2/09
1 Samuel 14
Isaiah 58
Matthew 1,2

7/3/09
1 Samuel 15
Isaiah 59
Matthew 3,4

7/4/09
1 Samuel 16
Isaiah 60
Matthew 5

Not me Monday

2009-06-29T11:05:00.003-04:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not let my kids where the same clothes for two days straight including to bed. Nope not me. My kids always have on clean clothes every day and jammies at night.

I did not let Evan have ice cream and a cookie for breakfast on Friday morning. Even though it was 90 degrees. Nope nobody would do that especially not me.

Somebody did not ask if I were Evan's big sister when we were walking on the beach the other night. And I most certainly did not almost say Yes because I was so flattered.

I did not call the bus driver on her cell phone to see why she was late picking Morgan up for summer session at school this morning. I mean really who would be that impatient?

I am NOT sitting here typing this not me Monday post when I am supposed to be cleaning for the inlaws.

Mini golf fun

2009-06-29T10:32:00.007-04:00

So we have decided we really love going to play putt putt. Evan is just too funny to watch. He totally does not follow the rules and sometimes even uses his putter backwards. Is there really anything cuter?
Yesterday after church we went for the second time in the past few weeks. This time to Shell we Golf. It was a lot harder then the last place we went and though it was not really handicap accessible for Morgan we had a great time. Luckily I have a strong husband who was able to carry her special needs stroller and all through the course.

Something big happened at our house this week

2009-06-27T18:13:00.007-04:00

We have waited 7 long years to see this..................Drum roll please..............................

Wow! Can it be that she is feeding herself???????

Yes she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so proud and amazed. Thank you so much God. For so long I doubted this day would ever come but you knew it would. I must say it was well worth the wait. We still have a very long road ahead of us as far as feeding goes but this is such a huge leap.

She has been feeding her self about 1-2 jars of baby food a day. She won't do it in the morning yet because she is to sleepy but she has been doing it consistently.

Sometimes(especially lately) we question moving to Delaware to get her help since we had to give up our house in PA to live in house that is not ours but something like this makes us realize God has us exactly where we need to be.

A Pirate in the Delaware bay?

2009-06-27T12:19:00.002-04:00

This guy has been spotted several times lately.
Hmm!

Daily Bible reading 6/21/09-6/27/09

2009-06-27T12:10:00.003-04:00

I haven't had the chance to blog all week so this is a "Ketchup" post LOL

6/21/09
Ruth 3,4
Isaiah 45
Revelation 1,2

6/22/09
1 Samuel 1
Isaiah 46,47
Revelation 3,4

6/23/09
1 Samuel 2
Isaiah 48
Revelation 5,6

6/24/09
1 Samuel 3
Isaiah 49
Revelation 7,8,9

6/25/09
1 Samuel 4
Isaiah 50
Revelation 10,11

6/26/09
1 Samuel 5,6
Isaiah 51
Revelation 12,13

6/27/09
1 Samuel 7,8
Isaiah 52
Revelation 14

A cake,a rainbow, and a case of pink eye 6/20/09

2009-06-20T22:34:00.012-04:00

Today was Morgan's 7th Birthday. It so hard to believe that she is 7. Not to mention that she now weighs about 44 pounds which is huge compared to the 3lbs. 5oz she was at birth.
Today did not turn out exactly as I would have liked.
When Morgan woke up this morning I took one look at her and realized very quickly that she had a case of pink eye in both eyes. Yuck! We went through this last June. Not sure what it is with June and pink eye in this family?

So my mom and step dad decided not to come down for fear of getting the dreaded pink eye. I already swear I am getting it, not sure if its paranoia or not.
It also rained most of the day. That seems to be the norm lately.

I have to admit I was feeling really down and depressed. That was until I saw this.
Just as God put a rainbow in the sky as a covenant that he would never flood the whole earth again, I feel I was given this rainbow to show that even though today did not go as I had planned God is always there for us. It was only in the sky for a few short minutes but it sure had a big impact on me.

Oh and here was her cake. Since nobody was coming Brent picked it up at Walmart. I think it was the perfect cake for a princess. Even though she would never eat it LOL.
Sometimes things don't go the way we want but in the end it all works out.

Daily Bible reading 6/20/09

2009-06-20T22:32:00.001-04:00

Ruth 1,2
Isaiah 44
Jude

Daily Bible reading 6/19/09

2009-06-20T22:29:00.001-04:00

Judges 21
Isaiah 43
2&3 John

Daily Bible reading 6/18/09

2009-06-18T12:43:00.001-04:00

Judges 20
Isaiah 42
1 John 5

Daily Bible reading 6/17/09

2009-06-17T13:06:00.001-04:00

Judges 19
Isaiah 41
1 John 3,4

Daily Bible reading 6/16/09

2009-06-16T14:47:00.000-04:00

Judges 17,18
Isaiah 40
1 John 1,2

Not Me Monday

2009-06-15T11:55:00.003-04:00

This is my very first time participating in a Not me Monday
To learn more click below

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did let my son eat two cheese slices and a piece of Salami for dinner last night. Nope not me. My Kids always eat balanced meals.

I also most certainly did not let my son get soaked playing with a water gun in his clothes. I would have of course put him in his swimming trunks so that was not me.

I did not let my daughter empty a drawer of DVD's and line them up all down the dining room wall. Nope not me I am way too much of a neat freak for that.

I also did not let my daughter sleep in her clothes because she had no clean pajamas left and I most certainly did not go to do laundry this morning only to realize that we had no laundry detergent nope not me. I always keep up with my laundry.

I hope you enjoyed my first not me post. Check back to see all things I don't do next week.

Daily Bible Reading 6/15/09

2009-06-15T11:54:00.001-04:00

Judges 16
Isaiah 39
2 Peter 3

And since today's reading just happened to be Judges 16 which is the story of Samson and Delilah I thought this was fitting. (yes its Tim Hawkins again LOL)

Daily Bible reading 6/14/09

2009-06-14T20:28:00.001-04:00

Judges 14,15
Isaiah 38
2 Peter 1,2

Daily Bible reading 6/13/09

2009-06-13T21:00:00.000-04:00

Judges 12,13
Isaiah 37
1 Peter 3,4,5

Because sometimes we all need comic relief..

2009-06-12T20:30:00.004-04:00

Today was a good day. Brent saved a turtle from getting run over a long a busy road and God rewarded us a few minutes later by getting a very close look at a bald eagle.

However, this afternoon a few sentences written in a letter to us from a family member made me feel very low. We have been talking a lot at church about how bad words can hurt. Boy can they ever. Sometimes the way people word things can make you feel 5 years old.

I prayed a lot about it and was not going to let it get me down any longer. Well I was bored so I hopped over to tangle.com (formerly Godtube) and typed in a comic our pastor told us about a few weeks ago.

His name is Tim Hawkins. Oh my he is so funny. I can't believe I never heard of him before.
Tonight I needed comic relief and boy did I get it.

I especially loved this video!

Daily Bible reading 6/12/09

2009-06-12T20:29:00.000-04:00

Judges 10,11
Isaiah 36
1 Peter 2

Daily Bible reading 6/11/09

2009-06-11T13:46:00.001-04:00

Judges 9
Isaiah 35
1 Peter 1

Daily Bible reading 6/10/09

2009-06-10T14:48:00.001-04:00

Judges 7,8
Isaiah 34
James 5

Talked to Stacy

2009-06-10T14:32:00.003-04:00

She is very tired but luckily not in too much pain.

Thank you Lord for being with her and healing her.

I wish she was not so far away so I could visit her but, I know she needs a lot of rest right now anyhow. I want her feeling great so she can get home to her family where she belongs.

Hopefully she can come visit us again soon.

Here is a picture from her last visit over Memorial day weekend.

Those are her two beautiful daughters.

It was such a fun weekend.

Praying for Stacy

2009-06-09T11:56:00.004-04:00

My beloved friend Stacy is in Surgery right now. She has cancer and has to have a full hysterectomy to get rid of it all. My heart is breaking for her and I am so scared for her. We are the same age and I hate the thought of her going through this.

Stacy was a such a source of support for me during my pregnancy and the NICU experience with Morgan.

Her husband Marvin is awesome and is keeping me updated via text messaging.

So please join me in praying for Stacy's safe surgery and a speedy recovery.

Daily Bible reading 6/9/09

2009-06-09T11:45:00.001-04:00

Judges 6
Isaiah 33
James 3,4

Daily Bible reading 6/8/09

2009-06-08T14:18:00.003-04:00

My mothers day present this year was a Blackberry Cell phone. I downloaded this wonderful App. that has daily bible reading and I have decided I will post the recommended reading daily.
So here is today's reading:

Judges 4,5
Isaiah 32
James 2

Welcome to my Blog.

2009-06-08T13:19:00.000-04:00

I created this blog so everyone can keep up with us.

So let me introduce ourselves in case you don't know us.

We are the Pearsall family. We consist of Me (Missy), Brent, Morgan, Evan and our dog Rosie.

This is My husband Brent. We have been married since May 24, 2001. We met online.

This is our daughter Morgan A.K.A Princess. She is a true miracle sent from God as she almost did not survive the pregnancy she was born 8 weeks premature on June 20,2002. She has had a very long hard road. She has many developmental delays and feeding issues and has a G-tube. She is nonverbal and has a diagnosis of Autism and Epilepsy. She brings us so much joy.

This is our son Evan A.K.A Bubba. He was born full term on July 6, 2005. He is a very articulate and passionate little guy who does not know the meaning of quiet. We would be lost with out him.

Last but not least is our Boston Terrier Rosie. She is a very hyper and loving little creature. But no family is complete with out a dog to love Right? And besides she is just plain cute.